Never Got an Answer...!

“I’ve heard that it’s something that happens between a boy and a girl when they grow up,” said wide-eyed, curly-top Vikram, my best friend in class IV.

“Listen! I swear I’ll complain to Kumud Ma'am if you ask me dirty things like this again!” screeched Sonia the snob, my class monitor in class VII, as we returned for History class after recess.

“Don’t you ask me such smart-Alec questions! Why don’t you just focus on your studies like other 12-year olds? Huh?” admonished Radha - my imperial sister, six years my senior.

“Listen kiddo! I’ve got to rush for my football practice. Later, OK?” Rajan - my brother, my idol, my hero (just two years older than me), barked rushing past me.

“Nothing yaar! All bakwaas!” said Ronnie - the senior school swimming champion, lazily chewing his gum.

“Uff-oh! You’ll find the answer when it happens to you. Have patience dear!” said miss-know-it-all, class topper Surbhi with a saint-like look on her face.

“It’s all give-and-take business, pal!’ said Vanraj - son of a diamond merchant , my colony friend, with whom I had smoked my first cigarette.

“It’s……..I don’t know……..umm………I think…………how do I say………….rather difficult…………it’s like…………” mumbled Udita behind a veil of hash-smoke in College canteen.

“Sacrifice, beta! Sacrifice.” Said Ma and sighed!

“Good question! Hmmm...” said Pa and walked off.

“A time-pass for sentimental fools,” said Aditya- the secretary of the College photography club.

“Who’s got the time dude? Focus on the presentation,” said Iqbal - my first colleague at work - and rushed off to the conference room.

“Kyon pooch rahe ho? Pehle batao. Batao na…..!” said Rani Malhotra, fluttering her eyelashes from behind the office reception.

“Bus hai! Kucch khaas hai, bacche!” said Guruji - my music teacher - with a faraway look in his eyes

“Faaltu baaton mein time mat waste kar. Kaam kar apna,” said Andrew, my trainer at a three-day workshop on interpersonal relationships in Goa.

Never got a straight answer!

Never got an answer!

I no longer ask “What is love?”

I don’t want to.

I don’t need to.

I’m happy soaking in it, showering it.

Whatever it is……………………………!!

There is so much love that I cannot find any

Is love this composite chemical or this cosmic light that binds the world that we can only experience atoms of and are then left craving for more eternally? Or is love such a huge volume of emotions that you can see it all around you but can never find any for keeps, or even to hold for a little while? Is love existing in such a myriad of ways that it is difficult to pinpoint one avatar and say I like it best and want it to linger most? Or is love this ability to give up being loved and say I have loved and been loved so I know it cannot last forever? Or is love this magnificent feeling that really can last forever, but that not many stumble upon?

My story in love??? That's too long to keep you riveted... Suffice it to say for now that I have loved more and been loved less. Except for the two tender hearts whose world I have built, I can confidently say. And I am now at a point where I am contemplating what is contemporarily an EMA (extra marital affair). That's material for another post.