The Art of Breaking Up: Road rage or taking the high road?

They say that there's a formula (atleast according to the yahoo chat groups, which so far have been my font of wisdom for matters pertaining to the heart) for how long it should take to get over someone. You take how long you were together and divide it by half ... and that's a safe estimate. BTW: there's also a formula for calculating if someone is too young or too old to date (very mathematical, and I'll save that story and formula for another blog). But my point is that I get over someone in dog years, as in, take how long we were together and multiply that by seven. My last relationship was an intense one-month long affair in which we talked deep into the night about our deepest sorrows and joys ... we broke up in August, lingered till October, and then entirely cut off contact. It's been four months since, so I have three more months of this dull ache to go by my estimates.

What I'm tortured by late at night is whether I broke up...well...well. I have a tendancy to take the high road, so when we met for our final tea I made a list of 10 questions pertaining to our relationship (yes, I'm a total dork)to get our conversation going in a positive strain. Things like, "What have you learned from this?" "What was one of your best moments?" "How will you remember me?" "What went wrong?" "Why are you such an asshole who doesn't know what he wants, gets me all tangled into this mess, and then leaves when things start getting real????" I didn't ask that last question, and that's the question I wish I had. I've always felt that it's important to leave people better than when you met them; and that when a love relationship ends it's best (just like in an exit interview at a job) to take the high road and not go into the petty nitty gritty of rehashing what went wrong. Something did, you tried, one or both of you didn't want to keep going, and now whether your heart feels like it's been shredded or not, it's over. Why draw blood? Why not remember the best stuff and walk away with your head high and with dignity and grace?

I'll tell you why. Because, then, some night when you can't sleep and the thousands of dogs outside your window are howling in chorus, you'll feel this rage build up in you and a torrent of unanswered unasked questions shower through you like pellets; each "why?" a little dart in your heart. You'll think of a million zillion things that you should have held him accountable for, but didn't. That's why. In the mood I'm in right now, I wish I could rewind, go back to our nice tea (which I paid for) and have one of my wittiest, smartest friends write me a little speech filled with biting and razor sharp points that illuminate how hypocritical and idiotic he was ... all said calmly and with total control of emotion. And then, I'd like to dump the tea on his head and walk away, like they do in the movies.

While this is my current fantasy, the truth is, I still am unable to hate him. I think in life connections are hard enough to come by, so whether they worked out the way we wanted them to or not, there's still something valuable there to keep. Why burn bridges? And ... sigh ... so, this brings me back to my initial question ... when breaking up is it better to take the high road, or is it better to rage rage against the dying of the light?