Love...

After going through a disastrous attempt at a relationship, the pain, guilt of it broke my spirit ( yes, that is what I would call the monk like existence I put myself through. I had simply decided that if I am not open to people, they would loose the power to render pain. Incase the anger is directed at your partner, you can still get over it as it loses steam in a while. But when u cant forgive yourself for being stupid, the entire thing takes on a completely different dimension.

You run away from people you know, do not want to go and expose yourself to events or give other people a chance to like you. Having a voice in your own head go "yeah right? I was born yesterday" when a nice guy says " you are so interesting to talk to...". Dressing as if you were a man or a grandmother. Letting yourself go and pigging out, growing fat so you can melt into the background and no-one categorizes you in the 'attractive girl-lets get to know her' bracket. I can tell you as I gone through each of this.

I still dont know what happened, the when or the how of it - But I fell in love. I do know that one fine morning when I woke up I was back to being happy. I had a permanent smile etched on my face, I was humming songs walking to my pickup point, I was dancing to some strange rhthym playing inside me and I genuinely enjoyed the many flavors of the people around me. The grand passion of my life, the person who made me happy and comfortable with myself .... was Me. ( I am not attempting a repitition of Narcissus here). But Oscar Wilde actually got it right when he said "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."